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I'm not a bad habit that needs to be kicked. I am not morally depraved. I am a strong woman, with everything to give, and everything to lose. When i love, i put my heart into it. When i'm passionate about something, I don't give up. I'm stubborn, driven, and a dreamer. I'm anything but a bad person, and I refuse to let anyone tell me otherwise. Not anymore. |
The train of life will still keep going, whether I'm on board or not.
I choose to stay on board.Current Music: Juno Reactor |
I thought i would share my favorite, most COMMONONLY asked question that i get asked when i'm at work:
"Are these candels scented?"
ladies and gentlemen, there is an answer!
why dont you just smell the fucking candle and find out? |
This morning I got a call from Barbie, one of my eight different bosses at lifetouch. She told me that Brett, our District manager had come in to visit. She also told me that he mentioned revoking my raise because i'm not floating as much anymore. so.....i said:
"Alright, then I quit."
I gave her one month's notice, so I can pack in a few extra hours before the school year starts. I told her that I was going to take a leave of abscence, but I honestly dont think I'll be returning to lifetouch. I've not only worked there for two years, but I have DEVOTED myself to that company. They were seven months late on my annual raise. Brett took three months to get me my check for mileage.When Rich couldnt handle his job, I did, and got nothing for it. They drive me to places like Irvine, and National City to work three hour shifts. My hours arent stable, I'm never garaunteed a stable schedule, and I'm already getting paid more at Michaels for doing half the amount of work, that is, if he's planning on taking my raise away.
I still quit. I feel bad for Barbie, because I know it's not her fault, but I can't do this anymore. I havent wasted two years either, it's been good job experience, and i have some awesome references, but I know what I want, and I know what I need, and I'm not going to put up with this bullshit anymore. |
oh hey, i still have one of these...
Alright, a little update about what's going on in Melissa land.
Things are going great. I'm excited for school to start, Channel is home, which is nice, we've been spending a lot of time together. I got a new job at Michaels, and am still working at the studio - we'll see which one i like better when the school season rolls around. I've also started promoting for insomniac and rude boi bad girl, I'll post flyers and website links later.
Every day life gives me a new twist, and sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's bad, but either way, I deal, and I'm doing the best I possibly can. There are a few things going on that have made me realize how I want to spend the rest of my time on this planet.
This whole long distance thing between me and Julie actually hasnt turned out so bad after all. We still talk the same amount, maybe a little less, and I think our friendship has grown because of the distance. Granted, I'm having a hard time relating to the whole pregnancy thing, but our friendship remains the same and that's what counts. We are opposites, peiced together like a ying yang, and i'm grateful.
My family: Eric is gone, dont know where he is. Since I banned him from using my car, he hasn't talked to me a whole lot. I liked it better when we lived apart. Nonni is doing well, as is mom, and dad has somehow pulled his head out of his ass for the moment - and i'm loving it. Hes actually acting like a DAD these days - very uncommon. Also, since my 18th birthday, I've had no intense restrictions, and as long as i do my part and keep my room clean, no one bothers me, i go where i want, do what i want, no questions asked. I'm never home anymore, and it's helped a lot with the whole family relationship thing - the less I see them, the stronger my bond is. I can't wait to move out.
As for me and Chris, I couldnt ask for anything more right now. I'm happy with our situation.
Oh, and the whole modeling thing, not really my scene .... but i did get some rad pictures out of it. I just can't help but feel lame in front of a camera - my place is not in front of the camera, being photographed like a healthy example of meat, something to be devoured and forgotten the next day - my job is to be either the subject of true art, or the creator of true art - nothing more. If i'm going to be around a camera, i'm going to be behind it, and if for some reason i do get in front of the camera, no one will ever know it was me, but i will have the pleasure in knowing i created it.
I've been thinking a lot about chelsea hackman lately. Anyone know how to get a hold of her? ill never give up on that chick, i love her too much. she taught me too much. she may be out of my life for the moment, but she's not out of my mind, and i'm not going to let go so easy. I just want to make sure she's happy, and ok, healthy.
Id rather have a great short life, than a long boring, ordinary life. I want to be able to run screaming through that finish line, gasping for breath, looking back going "wow, so that's what it's supposed to be." in the words of bill hicks "it's just a ride" and god damnit, i'm going to make it the best fucking ride i've ever been on, regrets an all.
in loving memory of those lost in my life, ill never forget you all, and I wish you knew how much of an impact you made on me. I just hope I can do the same for others. |
| » fuck all that drama |
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I think people should stop making cryptic livejournal posts about things/feelings about people, and just come right out and say what they mean directly to them instead of tip toeing around the subject. It's quicker, like a bandaid getting ripped off, and has less drama involved.
Just a reideration of a previous post I made a long time ago.
Jul. 23rd, 2005 @ 04:28 pm
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| » Me. |
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Jul. 20th, 2005 @ 11:06 pm
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| » A little more substance.. |
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Alright, now that I feel that I have something valid to post about, I feel better about posting. I refuse to post anymore bullshit about the pointless drama going on in my life - it has no place here. (at least not publicly anyhow.)
I registered for school today, 16 units, four classes, two days. Fundamentals of music (pre requisite for the other course I want to take in music) in the morning, followed by creative writing, then a two hour break, then intermediate algebra (yippee), and last, spanish 202, a more advanced spanish course. I'll be at palomar college from 9:30 AM to 8:30 PM. I finally feel driven to do this, and i'm really excited about this coming school year. Having a car really helps.
I'm also on the prowl for a new job. I'm going in this week to apply at the school bookstore, because they have really flexible hours and are good about giving you the hours you need, and look around at a couple camera shops and retail stores in my area. My plan: work three 8 hour shifts during the week, monday wednesday and friday, and go to school tuesday and thursday. Keeping my weekends and evenings open to do as I please, practice spinning, do homework, etc.
I did my first mix today without trainwrecking. I'm EXTREMELY excited. I'm having eric help me set up an old record player in my room tonight so I can keep listening to my vinyl and tomorrow i'm going to spend some more time over at trevor and sarah and thal's house listening to my records while she tries the thing that i wanna do with my hair. If all goes as planned, I'll be getting a job at school, making my hair the way i fucking want it, and doing what i need to do with myself over the next couple months.
I'm also looking at universities, something i never though id be doing. I'm looking into portland, seattle, northern california. I'm making sure each school has a strong arts program, and literature program, and of course, study abroad. I intend on going to spain for at least a semester, if not longer, before i graduate. I'm thinking a bit more about my major and minor, still not sure exactly what I want to do, but I'm giving it more thought these days.
overall, as time goes on, things just keep getting better for me, and it's long overdue i feel. but i'm happy nonetheless, and am excited that I'm getting my life together. I felt like i needed a change, a chance at something new, and i'm finally getting it. I'm staying away from all the pointless drama with people, and it's nice.
Of course, there's always room for improvement. I realize that I need to establish a more emotional sense of independance with myself, and am working on that at the moment. I can't live my life being so dependant on others - I'm the only one who will always be there for me, and even though it sometimes sucks, i have to deal with it, because it's the truth. I'm learning to not get quite as attached to people and things. people suck, and that's that.
Alright, that about sums it up, I'm in a good mood.
"I almost expected a call...how foolish of me."
Jul. 18th, 2005 @ 04:41 pm
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| » aaaaaaaaaaand i'm done. |
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alright i'm done. over it. fuck this shit.
Jul. 17th, 2005 @ 08:42 pm
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| » sounds about right.. |
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 If i was a serial killer i would be Lizzy Borden.
Lizzy Borden, not by definition a serial killer, but a notorious killer nonetheless. One day as her father was napping on the living room sofa Lizzy Borden took an axe and hit her father's head with it repeatedly some where around 40 times, completely disfiguring his face into an unrecognizable mess of blood and gore. Almost immediately after Lizzy attacked her mother in her bedroom, again hitting her head with an axe over 40 times. Lizzie Borden took an axe,
And gave her father forty whacks.
And when she saw what she had done,
She gave her mother forty-one.
kill count: 2
Find what serial killer you would be, Take the Serial Killer Quiz now! |
Jul. 10th, 2005 @ 07:49 pm
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lonelychild's journal